New Year

[jessuisamericaine]

My last post wasn't all to happy. Mainly because I think I was going through my quarter life crisis (a year too early). It wasn't a good time in my life once again and it didn't help to not sleep much and was always at work. At least I'm more financially stable because of that and have an idea of where I want to gear me life. 

But like the charm of a new year, my mentality is at it's peak again and I'm ready for 2015. I hope that this year is going to be great, gearing me up for my 25th year in the world. When I'm 25, I want to be confident enough in my own skin but before that, I feel like I need to remind myself that there is a long ways to go before getting there. 

I've come to realize why it always shocks me when people say that I have a lot of confidence. It has come down to the fact that I really don't. Not many people know this or can understand, but I'm actually really insecure about myself but I've never really been able to admit it since I didn't really want to disappoint them. I'm always torn by my insecurities. Because of those insecurities, I think the worst of every situation. Literally EVERY situation. While people say that it's okay to prepare for the worse, I always prepare for the ABSOLUTE worse. I think my friends hate me, I think they don't want to include me in things, I think they just down right not want to hang out with me because either I'm not someone they can talk to or relate to. That is always a CONSTANT thought in my head. At this age, I have to slowly come to realize that I am always going to be alone and I really need to understand that in the end, I'm the only person that is going to make me happy. It's a hard realization to come to and I hope that by the end of this year, I will be able to at least begin to accept that this is how it's going to be until probably the day I die. [Unless I find someone who is literally exactly like and thinks like me. But I really doubt that will happen.]

But as for 2015. I've thought about what I want to accomplish this year and wanted to list them out so when I'm drifting away from then, I can look at them and get back on track. 

1. Be a Happier Person. 
2. Not give a shit about what people say. 
3. Understand that you don't have to do what everyone else is doing to feel like you fit in. 
4. Not lash out angrily at people. 
5. Become a more secure person (in general). 
6. Don't let the small things bother you. 
7. Not vent as much. (Rather, write it down more)
8. Participate & Engage more with others. 
9. Let others engage with you. 
10. Not to be quick to judgement. 
11. Not speak badly of others and don't let other's opinions effect you. 
12. Revisit past relationships and see where they failed and patch it up. 
13. Don't become cynical. 
14. Love others. 
15. Love yourself. 

I feel 15 goals is perfect since 2015.

Here is a toast. 2015.

Do your best.